“What Women Want” from Leslie Goldman’s “The Weighting Game”

Posted March 27, 2008 at 03:00 PM by Sahara Jackson

Section: Her Motivation, Her Story, Special Features

Whether you’re in a committed relationship with a stellar partner, or still scoping out potential love matches, you probably wonder what - exactly - attracts you to the other half. Is it looks? Pheromones? Finances? Researchers are still searching for a final answer, but, as Leslie Goldman writes, they’ve come closer than ever. Read Leslie’s thoughts on a new study that claims to ID four “categories” of must-have qualities in a future mate.

Many of you may be sitting at home, perhaps snuggled up with your boyfriend/girlfriend/spouse/lover/paid escort, thinking “I am so happy and thankful to have this person. He/she is so kind/loving/compassionate/good in bed/willing to tie me up and pour maple syrup on me.” Well, my friends, if you are not extraordinarily pretty, you may, in fact, be wrong.

What the hell am I talking about, you ask?

I found this study - the press release is entitled, “Do attractive women want it all?” which I love because, um, hell yes and not just the “attractive” ones. And we all deserve it. OK, tangent. Anyhoo, the University of Texas at Austin study casts a shadow over the popular belief that women choose our partners based on the kind of relationship we want (ie if we want something long-term, we look for someone who’ll bring home the bacon and take our kids to Wii practice; but if we just want a quick bonk, a hairy chest and chiseled jaw win out. If you’re into that kind of thing.) Hogwash, these researchers say. The new theory: We’ll take what we can get, and gals who are widely considered hot maintain high standards for prospective lovahs. So we’d better be super pretty and smart and highly-paid and successful because if we’re shlubby or chubby or blue-collar, that’s the kind of guy we can expect to see when we roll over in bed.

The researchers ID four categories of characteristics women seek in a partner:

Good genes, reflected in desirable physical traits Resources (they make it sound so romantic!) The desire to have children and good parenting skills Loyalty and devotion (awww...)

Interestingly enough, while women’s choosiness across these categories reflected how attractive they appeared to other people, researchers found the characteristics men desired in a partner did not vary based on their own physical attractiveness. In plainer words: Billy Joel and Christie Brinkley. Lyle Lovett and Julia Roberts. Etc.

Those worked out well.

Of course, I’m taking these researcher’s conclusions a wee bit out of context - they’re examining this phenomenon from an anthropologic and evolutionary standpoint and published their data in an academic journal. I, um, am blogging about it.

But I do tink (hah! I wrote “tink” instead of “think” but it looks too cute to correct) it’s an interesting concept worth discussing because it once again shows the emphasis of looks in our culture and proves, in its own way, that no matter how good-hearted and accepting we believe we are, on some innate level, there’s always this primal “Me want pretty children” yearning churning inside of us.

Check out the rest of this entry, and read more from Leslie, at her blog: The Weighting Game.