“A Look Inside Recovery,” from Leslie Goldman’s “The Weighting Game” at Her Active Life

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“A Look Inside Recovery,” from Leslie Goldman’s “The Weighting Game”

Posted January 27, 2008 at 06:00 PM by Sahara Jackson

Section: Her Health, Body Image, Eating Disorders, Special Features

Eating Disorder Woman Late last year, I was contacted by a young woman named Erin Pufunt, 22, a student who was about to celebrate her “Recovery Night” and wanted to invite me (I had previously interviewed some of her friends who make these fabulous “I am beautiful” shirts for Shape Magazine.) Unfortunately, I couldn’t attend, but I invited Erin to answer a few questions about her struggle with anorexia for Weighting Game readers.

Well, two months, a bout of Montezuma’s and a numb thumb later, here I am, tail tucked, finally posting Erin’s brave and inspiring words. Erin, I’m so sorry it took me this long but I know readers will appreciate your honesty and willingness to share such intimate details. Much success in your continued recovery.

Love,
Leslie

Can you tell me a bit about your struggle? When did it start? What was one of your lowest points or hardest struggles?

“My eating disorder stemmed from an enormous lack of self worth and from having the need to control my ever changing environment. I began using ed behaviors when I was 13 and found the irony of anorexia in high school....that I was using my eating disorder to control my life but I had zero control over my eating disorder. I am a domestic abuse and rape survivor, and my lowest point came from a snowball of trauma and the self hatred I developed from my eating disorder. On June 15, 2006, I experienced a psychotic break and attempted suicide. I don’t think there is a lower point than knowing, without ambivilence, that you are about to end your own life.”

How did you ultimately get help?

“My best friends are my angels. They looked into treatment facilities for me and after months of my refusing to go they told me we were going to a purse party. Instead, we pulled into Linden Oaks (a hospital in the Chicago suburbs) where they had scheduled an assessment for me. I was admitted impatient the next day.”

Do you believe people can fully recover from an eating disorder or is it more like alcoholism (ie you can stop the dangerous behavior but the disease is always a part of you)?

“I absolutely believe that full recovery from an eating disorder is possible. Eating disorders are comparred to drug addiction/alcoholism alot in the sense that addiction is addiction....but the difference is that you aren’t trying to ‘not touch’ the food in ed recovery...you are learning to not use food to cope with your feelings. And once you learn how to cope in healthy ways and not mask your feelings, the behaviors just seem to fall into place. I am so much more than an eating disorder.”

Can you describe the pressure today’s young women face to look a certain way?

“From classmates...advertising..society? This is something that I have had to really look at in my recovery. I struggled with severe body image distortion and I do blame most of that on society. I am completely addicted to fashion and couture fashion magazines...and to me, the bodies in those pictures were not unreasonable standards...they were simply how I ‘should’ look. Now I know that society’s measure of beauty will only change if WE, as society, WANT to see a change.”

Leslie Goldman, MPH, is the author of Locker Room Diaries: The Naked Truth About Women, Body Image, and Re-Imaging the “Perfect” Body (DaCapo, 2007). Read the rest of this entry and check out more of Leslie’s thoughts at her blog, The Weighting Game.